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The Sloppy Kisser

Location: Bar near Oxford Circus

Still quite new to online dating apps, the messages exchanged between me and this next guy seemed definitely promising…funny, witty and very flirtatious – for some reason we agreed that we would kiss upon meeting (despite being complete strangers) and I was actually really looking forward to the date. Lesson learnt – never look forward to it and never get your hopes up. They will be dashed! 


We did indeed kiss upon meeting. But unfortunately it was so horrendously awful that I had to subtly wipe my face with my hand to remove the slobber! This is the first example of how my dating life is starting to mirror that of the Sex and The City girls...and not in a good way. To quote Charlotte: 'It was all around my mouth!'

The next half hour passed by in a bit of a blur. I think he was ok…he was good looking and quite funny as I recall, but I was so worried about the chance he might try and kiss me again when we said goodbye that I didn’t really enjoy it at all. And yes, he did kiss me again (why I didn’t avoid that situation I still don’t know!) and I had to repeat the whole face-cleaning procedure once more!

The next day, I did the usual ‘really sorry it didn’t feel quite right’ escape text and again got a surprised message back from him asking why as he thought we'd had fun. This time, I just couldn’t be bothered to lie, so I messaged saying ‘actually, I didn’t think our kisses were compatible!’ 

 I wasn’t really expecting a response after I had been so brutally honest (in the sweetest way I could think of), but fair play this guy had some determination or something, because he asked ‘wouldn’t I like to meet up again and give it another go?’

When I’ve asked friends about this since, there’s been a split in the advice. Some said I should have given him a second chance and I could have trained him to kiss better. I however was not buying that, and felt that at 32, if a guy is still slobbering all over your face when he kisses you, he cannot be trained! And if he’s a sloppy kisser, what on earth is he going to be like in bed? So I politely declined his offer…

As an aside, he was a Kiwi guy and I have actually never dated another Kiwi since, just in case they all kiss in the same way!

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